


fade into the background

by channelorange



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Genderswap, Marriage, girl!Zayn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-05
Updated: 2013-02-05
Packaged: 2017-11-28 08:44:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/672474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/channelorange/pseuds/channelorange
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Harry remembers looking at her like that. He remembers when she used to look at him the same, too. Now she’s giving that look to someone else.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	fade into the background

**Author's Note:**

> I had previously written this story in the P!ATD fandom, but I've just changed the names. I really enjoy this fic, it's one of my favorites that I've written. I hope you enjoy it, too.
> 
> Title and lyrics are credited to Ne-Yo. Song: "Fade into the Background".

Harry sneaks in just in time, right before the vows are exchanged. There are a few empty seats in the back near the door and he takes the closest one, sliding in as quietly as possible while the priest begins.

He stares at Zayn from rows and rows away, standing at the end of the aisle with her hands in his hands and her eyes locked with his. Her grin is wide, as his is. Harry’s throat closes up as he grips his own hands, locking them together.

_She looks so good in that white dress / At the far end of the aisle / Standing where I should be standing, / Some other man, on his face, there’s a smile_

It took him a while to walk into the church. For hours, ever since he woke up this morning (if it can be called that – he barely slept throughout the night), Harry’s been debating if he should even attend. He was invited months and months ago, and with the invitation in the mail, there was a separate note. “Really hope you’ll come. It would mean a lot – Z”

It would mean a lot. It means a lot to her that he’s here today, the day of her wedding. Of course it would. They have history. Friends since sixth form, turned into lovers by uni, and were together for a good 4 years after that. They have such history.

Harry would be a flat out liar if he didn’t blame himself for their break-up. He was the distant one. He was the one who stepped away. He was the one who was out late at night, at bars, at clubs with his mates, chatting up person after person, girl after girl while Zayn was at their apartment, lying in bed and waiting for him to get home just so she knows he’s okay. He was the one who let her walk away since he just wasn’t okay with waking up to the same face anymore because he wanted something new. It was his fault that they broke up, and now, just about three years later, Zayn’s standing in front of the love of her life, exchanging vows.

_I just walked in, sat down silent / I stood outside for a while / Wondering, why did I come here? / Face it, you messed up and now / She’s with somebody else / Yeah, yeah_

Zayn looks stunning. She always does. Her dress is simple, just like her. Small straps over her shoulders with a sideways stripped look across the top and going down by her waist, while the rest including the train is a light white. Her dark hair is put into a bun while her bangs are curled toward the right. Harry can’t see her other side since she can’t take her eyes off of her soon-to-be husband, who looks at Zayn like there’s no one else in this world besides her.

Harry remembers looking at her like that. He remembers when she used to look at him the same, too. Now she’s giving that look to someone else.

Someone more deserving, he’s sure.

The priest clears his throat and turns to the groom. “Do you, Liam James Payne, take Zayn Jawaad Malik to be your wedded wife, to live together in marriage? Do you promise to love, comfort, honor and keep her – for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. And forsaking all others, be faithful only to her as long as you both shall live?”

“I do.” He raises Zayn’s hands to his lips and kisses them gently, his smile never fading for a minute.

_And now all I can do is smile and fade into the background / I’ll say congratulations and I’ll fade into the background_

Harry’s sitting at a table with some of his mates that were also invited to the wedding since they’re still close with Zayn. Some of them are from early school, some from uni, and others that he’s met through Zayn. He’s thankful that there are people here he knows, somewhat giving him an excuse to stay through the reception. He didn’t want to, but running away from this, her… it wouldn’t change anything.

“God, can you guys believe it? Zayn married?” a mutual friend, Louis, chuckles. “I can’t. I mean, she’s just… she doesn’t seem like the married type! She’s a lone star, always has been. Ms. Independent, and now she’s Mrs. Payne.”

Harry twirls his wine lightly, watching it swirl in the glass as he listens. “Yeah, but Liam’s a great bloke. He’ll take care of her. Did you see their faces? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a couple happier than them,” Josh says, one of their mates from uni.

Louis shrugs while sipping his wine. “Yeah, I guess. I just don’t know. Marriage is just a huge commitment, you know?” He glances over at Harry, then does a double take and frowns. “Man, Haz, this must be hard for you. You guys were together for a long time.”

What’s he supposed to say? ‘Yeah, this is the worst day of my life and my heart is breaking into a million pieces just sitting in this chair, but I’m still here. I’m happy for her.’ And he is, he is happy for her. But there’s just… he doesn’t know what people expect him to say, or do. He wants it to be him next to Zayn up in the front, nudging his nose behind her ear while she giggles and leans in for a kiss. “I’m happy for her.”

He looks towards the front at Zayn, watching her scan the reception with a sweet smile on her face. Her eyes move towards him and immediately make eye contact. Her smile falters, but still holds. Harry gulps but pulls a smile himself. He tilts his glass up towards her and she nods, mouthing ‘thank you’, and looking at Liam.

Why? Just to look away, thinking the moment was over? To feel less guilty? Not to remember what they went through, the good times and bad?

_Such a lovely reception / I sat here sipping Rosette / Then we catch eyes for a second / Both of us smile, then quickly look away_

Harry downs the rest of his glass and stands up, ignoring his friends calling his name as he walks towards the bar. “Hey, kid,” he snaps, watching the short man behind the bar flinch. “How much for the bottle of red wine?”

The bartender glances back at the half empty bottle before looking at Harry. “Um, you want the whole bottle?”

“Yeah, whatever’s left. Fifty?” He pulls out his wallet and digs through, tossing a fifty pound note on the counter. “Here. Hand it to me.”

The young man bites his bottom lip nervously. “Um, sir, I don’t think I’m allowed to sell you the bottle. No one’s ever asked me for the whole thing, so—”

“Kid, do yourself a favor and take the fucking money.” Harry tosses a twenty on top of the fifty, narrowing his eyes.  
Gulping, the bartender snags the bottle from behind him and hands it over to Harry. He practically snatches it away and walks out of the room, gripping the bottle from the neck. Walking down the reception hall, he brings his newly purchased, half empty wine and swings it back, squeezing his eyes shut from the heavy, bitter taste.

Harry gasps when he pulls it back, wiping his mouth with his sleeve and shoving the door open, letting the cool, autumn breeze hit him hard. He keeps walking with no destination in mind, and ends up only ten or so yards from the front doors. He rubs his hand over his face in frustration, groaning and looking down to put the bottle on the ground.

“Harry,” a voice calls out. He doesn’t move an inch, just keeps his head in his hand, elbow resting on his knee while he stares at the ground.

Footsteps become louder as someone approaches him. Harry closes his eyes, hearing whoever it is sit down next to him and take a deep breath. “Harry, c’mon. Zayn told me to check on you.”

The sound of her name makes his head snap up, looking into the eyes of Niall Horan. Harry doesn’t remember the last time he saw Niall, probably at some big party where everyone was invited, when Harry was still new to Zayn and Liam, and still as heartbroken as ever. Niall knew Liam first, has been good mates with him for a long time, and Zayn became attached, lucky to have someone who knew Liam just as well to help her out with any relationship problems or troubles that were going on.

Harry was the one who Niall consoled at a party once. He was kind of like he is now, sitting alone with alcohol, sulking and mourning in his own sorrows. Niall tried the best he could to make Harry feel a little better about Zayn moving on, saying that he could do the same thing, that he’s a strong guy who could get through something like this. But Harry just shook his head and said, “no, no, Zayn’s it, she’s the one, and I fucked it up. I can’t find someone like her. She’s one in a million, and now… now, someone else gets to see that.”

He stills feels that way.

“Why does she want anyone checking on me?” Harry mumbles into his palm, using his other hand to run his fingers through his hair.

Niall sighs. “She still cares about you, mate. Doesn’t want anything to happen to you.” There’s silence except for Niall’s sleeves brushing against each other as he plays with his suit jacket. “C’mon, Harry. What’s wrong?”

“She’s with somebody else,” he says, sitting up straight. He turns to Niall and there’s heat in his eyes, frustration in his voice. “That should be _me_ , Niall. Me. And it’s not, it’s Liam, and it’s—fuck,” he laughs. Harry stands up and runs both hands through his hair, tugging the ends. “It should be me. But it’s not. She’s with someone else! Looking into someone else’s eyes, touching someone else’s skin, being in love with someone else!” He snatches the bottle off of the ground and turns around, slamming it against the cement and watching it shatter. Red wine runs through the indents of the ground while dark green glass is scattered around. Harry breathes heavily and lets his shoulders slump. “She’s with somebody else.”

_It’s funny you don’t know what you got / Til you ain’t got it no more / Put down my glass, grab the bottle / I throw it back and shout, “she’s with somebody else”_

Niall slowly stands with his hands out, taking gentle steps towards Harry before putting his hands on his shoulders. Harry twitches, but Niall squeezes and pulls him closer. “Okay, relax, just relax,” he says lowly, wrapping his arms around Harry. “S’okay, Harry. It’s gonna be fine. I’ve told you this, you’ll find someone that’s right for you.”

Harry rests his head on Niall’s shoulder, keeping his arms down but he can’t hide the sniffles against his jacket. “Zayn’s right for me. She takes care of me and worries about me and wants the best for me and loves _me_.”

“She loves _Liam_ ,” Niall states, and it hits Harry hard. But he needs it. He needs to know this. “She’s in love with Liam, and Liam’s in love with her. They’re married, happy, and are so blissfully in love, it’s… inspiring to see, actually.” Niall’s hand slowly moves up and down on Harry’s back, trying to soothe him. “I know you think that Zayn’s the only one for you, Harry. I know. But if you’re not out there, looking for the one, then… how are you going to know that she’s it?”

He says nothing, just breathes deeply to collect himself before standing up straight, moving out of Niall’s arms. Harry begins walking back towards the reception hall, ignoring Niall’s calls.

_And now all I can do is smile and fade into the background / I’ll say congratulations and I’ll fade into the background_

His eyes scan the room and immediately spot her. She’s still wearing her wedding dress with a glass of white wine in her hand as she listens intently to the story her sister Waliyha is telling her. Harry makes a b-line her way, weaving through people, yet his eyes never leave her.

Once she sees him from the corner of her eye, Zayn stands up straight, her facial expression completely changing. Her sister looks momentarily confused, but when she follows her line of sight, she seems to understand.

“Zayn,” Harry says, and fuck, now he doesn’t know what else to say. Blank mind. Everything is blank. He can’t get over how utterly stunning she is.

On the other side of her bangs, which are still slightly curled, is one loose curl simply hanging there. Her make-up is light, but illuminating. Although her eyes are simply hazel, they’re big and honest. “Harry,” she says back, smiling softly.

And he just stands there, staring at her. He thought he knew what he was going to say, but he can’t. He doesn’t remember a thing. He had all these things to say, planned out in his head and now they’re gone. Harry knows that he’ll remember these things another day, when they don’t matter and they’re just words. The silence is long, and Zayn’s smile starts to drop and her expression has turned into confusion.

“I just,” he starts, then stops. Licking his lips, he takes one long, deep breath and closes his eyes for a moment. Opening them, he locks eyes with the love of his life and says, “Congratulations.”

She looks like she doesn’t know what to say, or like she wasn’t expecting that from Harry. Zayn glances at Waliyha before looking back, looking down, then back again. “Um, thank you. It means a lot, it really does.”

Harry doesn’t say anything else. He just smiles with all that he can muster, nods, and turns around to walk out of the room. He doesn’t trust himself around her, looking the way she does—with all of her beauty and gracefulness and poise—and not do something stupid. He knows he will, and that’s why he’s walking away.

When he gets to the other side of the room before the exit, Harry decides to look back just once more. Of course when he finds her, Liam is right there, wrapping his arms around her waist at that exact moment and nuzzling his nose behind her ear. Zayn ducks away and giggles, eyes squinting with happiness as she turns and looks at her husband. Even from here, Harry can see the blissfulness that Niall was talking about. She looks comfortable in his arms, like she belongs there. And he looks like he doesn’t want her anywhere else.

He turns around and leaves the place, pulling out his keys and goes home as fast as he can.

Harry’s happy for her, he really is. He’s happy because she’s happy. And if he has to fade into the background for her to be where she wants to be with whom she wants to be with, then he will.

_Sure hate to fade into the background_

**Author's Note:**

> [This is Zayn's wedding dress and hairstyle in her wedding.](http://vivifypicture.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Simple-wedding-dress-3.jpg)


End file.
